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The NHL: Where Any Bum Can Get $1M

Remember that painful day in June, when the Blackhawks clinched the Stanley Cup on our home ice. Remember in the aftermath, that bum Adam Burish was trash talking Pronger.  Remember when he said that he hates Prongs, and if he saw him again, he’d punch him in the face?  Flyers fans, time to mark our calendars.  On Saturday, February 5th, 2011, Burish comes back to town.

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The Dallas Stars just signed him for 2 years and $2.3M.  What in the hell are they thinking, giving this bum this much money? Did he blow them away with his 11 goals in 169 career games?  Is it his “toughness” and 323 penalty minutes? Is it his Stanley Cup Champion status that dazzled the Stars? The status that he earned while playing an average of 5 minutes a game in the finals. No, it must be the fact that he promised to help their farm system, because he’d make a damn good minor leaguer.

Joe Nieuwendyk, the Stars GM, could have spent that money on much more important things, such as:

  • Luxury seats to see the Philadelphia Eagles @ Dallas Cowboys, when Kevin Kolb leads the birds to victory.
  • A learning center called “A School for Kids Who Can’t Pronounce Nieuwendyk, and Want to Learn Other Stuff Too”
  • One week contract with Ilya Kovalchuk
  • 4 new Starbucks at the busiest and most popular intersection in Dallas
  • Penguin farm
  • Catapult that can reach Joe Louis Arena in Detroit

All of those are much, much smarter ways to spend $2.3M.  Oh, I forgot, one more thing you could have spent it on: MIKE MODANO. He’s the greatest player your franchise has ever had, you got nothing for him, you let him walk, you let him sign with one of your biggest rivals. Who cares if he’s way past his prime; he still brings a lot more to the table than Adam freaking Burish. Aside from Brad Richards, you have no really good centers! Don’t give me Mike Ribeiro. Enjoy having your ass beat by the entire state of California.

And Joe, when you come to Philly, we’ll have some brotherly love for your new boy Burish.

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Tags: Adam Burish Brad Richards Chicago Blackhawks Chris Pronger Dallas Stars Joe Nieuwendyk Mike Modano Philadelphia Flyers

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